well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
