Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize