Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
