I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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