Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize