i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
