We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
