Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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