Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
