We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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