what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
