We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize