I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
