I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
