Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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