we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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