Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize