if i can run in heels then i can drive
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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