I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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