Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
