wrigley field is MILF paradise
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
