the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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