just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
