hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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