Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize