so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
