i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
