Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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