HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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