I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I sprained my soul last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize