these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
