I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
