@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
