You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
