dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
