i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
