I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
