went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
