New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
