I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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