I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
