It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
