just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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