it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
