The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need a burrito and a hug.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
