Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
