my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
