Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
4 words: hood of his car
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize