Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
