I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
