I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
