mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
