im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
