we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
