Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
