Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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