Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize