I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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