Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
