So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
