just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
