I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
