time to smoke my breakfast
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
