my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
