You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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