...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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