I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
