i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
