Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
